sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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