It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize