wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
