I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
