My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
