my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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