the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
