don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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