I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
