I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
oh god the rape fog is back!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i've created a new STD.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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