He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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