I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He? As in you personified your dick?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
