I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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