i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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