Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
