she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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