I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
