I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
