She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
