sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Dicks are not precious.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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