he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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