I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
