eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
