barbara walters just said penis...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
