one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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