According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
