My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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