Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
