rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize