I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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