toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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