Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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