i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
