i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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