how can u be prego again
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
