I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
