i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
