I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
