Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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