i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
