Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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