whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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