He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
