I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize