turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
