me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just want nice things and good sex
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
