When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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