im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
