ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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