It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
They took my balls.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
