I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
