Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
