I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
