it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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