you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
