Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
