they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
