sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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