Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
