Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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