Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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