I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
