so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize