Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
