Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
