Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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