Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
