I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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