p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
